Do not adjust your monitors, people. You are not having an alphabet acid flashback. This is an actual clip of long lost rapper Coolio performing a modern version of the Volo dell’Angelo in January during Carnival celebrations in Venice. This, my dears, is a prime example of what I adore about Italy. The economy is in a slump, the government is in tatters, the garbage situation in Campania is tragic but rest assured, Italians will always do something so head-shakingly absurd to restore my faith in this nation. These are the WTF moments of insanity that I like to call cavolate (pron. ca-vo-lah-tey). Literally, it means in the manner of a cabbage (?) but it’s just a nice way of saying in the manner of a dumbass. And the dumbass artistic director of the Venice Carnival decided it would be a super idea to invite a has-been gangsta rapper to do the prestigious Volo dell’Angelo (Flight of the Angel). It’s one of the oldest Venetian traditions dating back to the 16th century, where a man (originally a Turk) would climb a rope to the top of the bell tower in St. Mark’s square and then perform acrobatic feats from the tower all the way down to the loggia of the Doge’s palace. The acrobat would then offer the Doge flowers or poetry. Poetry such as “I’m a loced-out gangsta, set-trippin banger, and my homies is down, so don’t arouse my anger, fool!” Apparently the Doge was cool like that. God I love this country!